Partner Promotion - Deena Kordt
UGLOWGRL - Deena Kordt with UglowGRL & Divorce Magazine Canada
Creator, connector, publisher, podcaster, and author, Deena Kordt is a multitalented woman intent on creating safe, compassionate spaces for those experiencing big life changes. Deena has written numerous books from recipe keepsakes and rodeo records, to mindset books empowering individuals overcoming challenges in their lives.
As a previous keynote speaker and sponsor of The Today Centre’s events, in everything Deena does she speaks from her own experience as a survivor of abuse, adding her voice to others to create change and spark conversation. Deena hopes to encourage others to think critically about what it means to support, uplift, and encourage a victim-victor of family violence while finding
solutions to helping those impacted find their way towards living a life free from abuse.
A big part of The Today Centre’s ability to provide our clients connection to vital resources is possible through the partnerships we have with organizations in and around Edmonton. The partnerships we make with other organizations enable us to connect our clients to help they need beyond assistance with family violence. Since these partnerships are so important to the work that we do and the service we can provide our clients, we wanted to highlight some of them in a partner promotion series. We sat down with Deena from UGlowGRL and Divorce Magazine Canada, to ask a few questions about the services she provides and what our partnership with her looks like. Check out her answers below!
about uglowgrl
what is the history behind ‘uglowgrl’?
UGlowGRL started with a blog! I initially wanted to do some writing and was unsure of where to start. But I knew that I wanted to share a message with other women that they shouldn’t give up on their dreams! I wanted to help them to determine what their dreams are, because so often we lose touch with them. In my own experience, coming out of an abusive marriage of over 30 years, there was a lot to unpack and rediscover about ‘who I was’. Prior to that I was raised in a very strict, religious childhood and coming out of both of those experiences it’s become a process of understanding ‘who I am’ now in my early 50s. Out of those experiences I knew that I really wanted to reach and encourage others.
Right from the time I was an early child I was always drawn to the individuals who were the ‘wallflowers’ and quiet, whether they were intentionally trying to be invisible or were being bullied, I felt myself drawn to connect with them. That is still such a strong need in me, to help others feel seen, heard, and valued, and to create those safe spaces where that can happen for people. And so that really started with my writing and from there I started a blog, I started speaking about it, and I published books around it.
Along with this desire to help people came the idea of manifesting. Creating safe spaces and achieving dreams go hand in hand with manifesting. We manifest unintentionally all the time. But how can we do so with more intention and create a life that feels safe and happy? We talk about ‘finding’ our purpose and I’ve finally reconciled with the fact that it’s not about the ‘finding’, it’s about the journey and the everyday that is a part of achieving that. We may never have a huge epiphany about it, but we can live it in small ways and explore what is important to us, creating that in our lives while encouraging others to do so as well. It’s about taking the time to see that person, hear them, understand what’s important to them. There might be small things we can do- even just a smile at a stranger. But it’s about asking how can we help others to fulfill their dreams and not give up. How do we help them feel valued enough to seek and then fulfill those dreams and that path for themselves? And really that’s what I do and walk through with people.
How did the name ‘uglowgrl’ come about?
I will probably never forget the moment it came to me. I spent a short time, about a year, with a jewelry company that had just arrived in Canada called Plunder. It was just launching, I had never done sales, and I’m not really a jewelry person myself but I saw it as an opportunity. I thought it was great and kind of fun, so I just jumped on it! I made some interesting connections, I learned more about being on social media, and I learned some valuable skills.
As a part of the job, each sales rep was encouraged to create some type of fun or unique spin off the company as their social media name or ‘presence’. I had always loved the empowering phrase ‘You Go Girl’. Naturally, it absolved itself in to ‘You GLOW girl’, the fact that my friends had always called me sunshine and I absolutely love the sun, and that it’s a play on the empowering message of ‘You Go Girl’. The glow has to start inside. If you don’t value and accept and love yourself that glow outwardly isn’t genuine or sustainable. But a ray of hope is what you have to offer to the world and when you allow that glow to be genuine you are also allowing yourself to see your own value.
The spelling of it is shorthand, very reminiscent of the way you would text ‘you’ and ‘girl’, shortening you and without the ‘i’ in girl. It’s very difficult to explain to people how to spell it. But I find it very fun and clever! I still love using acronyms and shortened spellings for things. After that I started a website for my blog under the ‘UGlowGRL’ line.
I didn’t realize how big it was going to end up being, as things started happening. Because it was a process where I was learning, am still learning, that for so many years I had cultivated and conditioned myself to be invisible, for safety and because of strict religious beliefs. Through those years of hypervigilance and trying not to trigger any type of abuse, I was always trying to keep myself hidden and to never ‘make a mistake’, always saying ‘the right things’ so I didn’t set anyone off.
I named the website ‘UGlowGRL’ to keep things simple. I have since changed it to ‘Deena Kordt’! It’s exercising that belief that it’s okay to be visible, it’s okay to be heard, and it’s okay to be seen. It became an exercise in my healing journey moving away from those experiences and I’ve come out from ‘hiding’ behind the ‘uglowgrl’ name. I now publish with my own name. ‘UGlowGRL’ will always be the base company and identity and all the domain names under that umbrella still direct to the correct website, but the main thing when you visit is that it says my name and that’s the primary identity.
When I took over and bought Divorce Magazine Canada I added it under the ‘UGlowGRL’ umbrella because it was easiest. I also realized that much of the content of the magazine is relevant to anyone going through any type of major life change. That could be divorce or a lot of other life changes, either positive or negative. Like a baby or a graduation or a divorce or a loss or new home. I’m really trying to bring that content to other people as well, not just those experiencing a divorce.
How long has the identity of ‘UGlowGrl’ been around?
2019 is when it became an established identity. The website launched on September 1 of 2019. September 1 is actually the birthday of one of my brothers who passed, so it is a special anniversary date for me. I had been working on it and sharing about it very casually on social media a while before that but when the website and blog were published it became a tangible thing.
how did you come to take on ‘divorce magazine canada’?
What led to that was organic conversations! I had already opened the door around the topic of divorce and the conversations that just organically come from that very often lead to people sharing abuse that they have experienced, or that they think they’re experiencing, or that they are concerned for a family member who might be experiencing it. Unfortunately, it happens all the time.
I now have online divorce resource groups and a ‘hope in hell’ support group, which is a group for women where they can meet and have space to figure out how they can support each other in finding safety or healing. I am also collecting stories for a compilation and anthology of women’s stories of victory over violence. Because my story will resonate with some people, but others’ stories need to be shared as well, that’s what gives people courage and a space to relate. Recognizing that this is abuse and that there is hope, that comes from seeing someone else who was able to create a life afterwards and heal, even with all that they had come from. I think it’s really important to share our voices where we can.
That’s what I love about The Today Centre! I am just one of many. You also concierge, which really impressed me. Clients tell their story once, they aren’t retraumatized every time that they meet another support worker. Especially if they have their children with them, it can be very traumatic for them as well.
intention of uglowgrl
What are the core values behind ‘uglowgrl’? What do they represent for you?
I really value seeing and acknowledging people, while creating a space where they feel heard, seen, and valued. And that value applies to everything that I do today, not just related to UGlowGRL, but also to everyone involved in Divorce Magazine and Life Changes Magazine as well. I mean that audience in particular doesn’t necessarily know the history behind the values that I hold within the ‘UGlowGRL’ title. I have many comments from people who do know that history or those who notice it, you know it’s my email and it’s part of my name on zoom, and they say “Oh I really like that!”. But there’s no understanding of that value. Even though it started there it still applies to everything I’m currently doing. People are going through difficult times and whether I’m just the person connecting them or I’m the one talking to them, I just want them to know they aren’t alone.
what do you love about what you do?
What I really love is what I’ve done with The Today Centre and other organizations, speaking and adding my voice to those organizations! I am actually a keynote speaker for a Women On Wings fundraiser in May.
Also, taking part in other opportunities whenever they come up! There’s a ‘In the Wake of Divorce’ workshop coming up in Camrose that uses equine assisted learning. I’ve done those sessions before and every woman who had attended had been or were currently in abusive situations. The incidence is so high!
What I try to do, depending on the audience, is work on the opportunities I have to speak, something, even just a hint of it, about abuse. I do this so that people know I am open to those conversations and usually someone always finds me afterwards, at least one person, who wants to share with me their experience. Many are brave enough to say they are willing to share their story on the blog, the podcast, or in the book. I welcome those conversations and I prefer that many of them remain anonymous, one for their own safety but two because it is more relatable. This is a real situation, and it could have happened to anyone, anywhere.
That’s what my Hope in Hell book is about. There’s no investment to be in it and all proceeds will go back to organizations like The Today Centre.
I just want people to know that they aren’t alone. I’m not the expert. Yes, I’ve lived that experience but what I really want to do is connect others to those who can understand and who they can relate to. Many of the experts have personal experience with this and that’s what compelled them to do what they do. So I love connecting with people and saying hey there’s this person who can guide you through the process, here’s someone who can help you. That’s what has allowed me to expand the original Divorce magazine to create a podcast and the magazines, the support groups, the resource groups, to host events, and create a website that has a lot of resources. That’s what allows people to feel supported and informed. I’m just the connector and the creator.
UGlowgrl services & impact
How do you assist those impacted by or experiencing family violence?
That has always been something close to my heart because I lived with that experience. It is something that I want others, whether they are in it or dealing with it, to know they are not alone and understand what it is. It’s not always physical! Those who work in the field or have experienced it themselves may be aware but not everybody is. They think that if it’s not physical that it’s not abuse. Even the people in it may have trouble accepting and understanding that it is abuse and that it is destroying them. They may start to compare their situation to extreme cases. “Maybe it’s just me, I’m the one setting this individual off”.
But abuse is a pattern, it’s not incidental. Often we only see the incidents and they don’t appear as abuse. “Oh, they were just joking” or “They’re just having a bad day”. But when you see that pattern of continual erosion and hypervigilance, that’s what tears people down and has individuals questioning their sanity. With patterns you see that those experiencing it are feeling threatened and unsafe. It’s all very destructive.
So, what I’ve taken then from the empowerment side of things is empowering these individuals to use their voice, to understand their value, and that they don’t deserve to be treated this way and accept it. When I can find places to share that and add my voice to others’ and create that awareness, I really welcome those opportunities. I hope it finds the hearts of those who really need to hear that.
how would someone access your services (speaking, coaching, hope in hell, etc.)?
Everything can be accessed and found on the websites! The ‘Deena Kordt’ website has my books, blog and also a page dedicated to the Hope in Hell series with an invitation to participate in the book by adding your story.
The Divorce Magazine and Life Changes Magazine website has everything. as well. There are links to the podcast channel, the online digital magazine, the events I am hosting, the resource links, and the Hope in Hell series. There is also my contact information and copies of past magazines. The current magazine and last year’s magazine are available as digital flip magazines for easy viewing. If anyone would like to be a part of the professional team or resource team, that can also be found on the website. I also have a survey on the website inquiring with those who have accessed services or are looking at the magazine, just about how we can serve them better, what questions do they have, what step are you stuck at, what have you tried and hasn’t worked, what resources of mine have been helpful, and what more would you like to know. It only takes a couple minutes and every individual who fills out the survey and leaves their name is entered to win a draw for some gift cards.
partnership with the today centre
what do you appreciate about the partnership you have with The Today Centre?
I appreciate so many things about our partnership! But the first is simply being aware that The Today Centre exists. Within a week of first meeting Shay & Linda and becoming connected to The Today Centre, I was at a networking event with Divorce Magazine and through organic conversations had three ladies come to talk to me. One who was currently in an abusive situation, another was very concerned for a family friend where things had gotten really bad, and the third was someone on the other side after leaving an abusive relationship. Three very different scenarios yet for all of them I could say, “hey, you should talk to The Today Centre”. It was such a relief because I’ve always wanted to bring more awareness to family violence but have not always had the tools, the support, the resources, or the systems in place to refer someone for further assistance. But I had your information and for each of those people I gave that information to them, whether they needed it themselves or they could offer it to their friend.
It could be on a pen or a sticky note, and it’s not necessarily going to jeopardize the person’s safety because you can always innocently end up with a pen or a sticky note when attending networking events. But it’s so important because it has the information needed but it’s not going to trigger the abuser the same way a handwritten note might. Handing a little this or that is so encouraging and such a relief because it’s saying hey I have somewhere I can point you towards. Right from day one, it was phenomenal to know that there was a resource like The Today Centre. Even taking into consideration people’s pets and how to support them through that and the ASPCA Pet Safekeeping program. I now have several other organizations in various cities that I can network and share about. It’s a pool of resources that I can share and the individual can take as they need, depending on what works best for them.
From there, to promote The Today Centre I’ve had you in the magazine, which is another way of getting the word out there. I’ve attended some of your events and had opportunities to sponsor you, even speaking at ‘Disrupting the Stigma’ The Today Centre’s Help Today, Hope Tomorrow Fundraising Breakfast, and getting to connect with other guests at the events that The Today Centre has partnered with. It’s just incredible to see the power behind what we can do by speaking up. It’s really encouraging that it’s being accepted more and that there are things we can do to ‘disrupt the stigma’. We can open those conversations and create a compassionate community of understanding and support.
That’s what I’ve really liked, just being able to build that awareness of the prevalence, share resources that are available, and create that compassionate community that’s going to support people to heal and thrive as ‘victors’ over violence. Just being able to add my voice- it’s more powerful that way.
the future of ‘uglowgrl’
Where do you see ‘UglowGRL’ and Divorce Magazine growing in the future?
I want more people to know it’s there. There is so much value and so many resources that many don’t know are there and are unable to find. That’s why I’ve taken it solely digitally, it’s more accessible, it has a greater reach, and there’s more opportunity for feedback from readers. The magazine will be published quarterly, so four times a year, which means eight times the content with two magazines now. There will also be lots of newsletters sharing information about resources throughout the year so content will be more current and much easier to access.
I’ve added story sponsored pages in the Spring issue of Divorce Magazine Canada, which are real stories around abuse, divorce, etc. I’m also building bundles for people specific to information that might be relevant to their situation, so parenting, abuse, real estate, divorce, etc, and pull these resources together into categories that are easier to find. The podcast also has over 80 episodes out and I really want people to be able to access information that way too. There are also resource and support groups available that have keynote speakers, and these are intended not only for the people who need those resources but also the people who offer those resources and have that expertise, they can use it as a networking tool as well to connect with trusted resources. It’s important to have both sides of the equation making that a priority.
There will be lots of livestreamed webinars that are topic specific and have panels that people can connect with and ask questions of. I’m hoping to have a bigger event or group each month that really draws people in. Overall, I’d really love to grow the magazine to have more resources, more stories, more current content, and to be more relatable for people. It makes a huge difference for my audience, being a facet of connection in that way.
Anything else you’d like to add?
I don’t want people to give up!
I just interviewed a lady who’s written a book titled ‘A Mom’s Guide to Good Divorce’, which sounds a bit like an oxymoron “good divorce”. But what I found interesting about her book was the mindset that it is possible to have a ‘good divorce’. We aren’t promoting divorce, that’s something I’d really like to make clear. We’re just helping support people through it. If it’s inevitable, then let’s make it as good as a divorce as possible. I agree with this author, it’s totally about your mindset. What do you want for your life in the future? Which goes along with the UGlowGRL, what are you trying to achieve in the future. What in this moment could you choose to do to set yourself up for success? How do you want to keep your children safe at the centre of it? It’s about keeping your children foremost of mind and acting accordingly. It doesn’t mean bury those thoughts and feelings yourself, it’s just finding an appropriate time to deal with them and set yourself and your children up for the best, healthiest, ‘good’ divorce that can happen.