Being An Informal Support- Family Violence Prevention Month 2022
“Those impacted by family violence who have natural supports in their lives, such as family and friends, can offer a wide range of supports for victims/survivors of family violence. Those natural supports can offer connections to formal supports, a soft place to land in their homes, a bag of groceries, or a non-judgmental ear. Even small acts of support that can be provided can make a huge difference for people in these difficult situations. ”
Informal Supports
The community we have around us is often compiled of our biggest supporters; people in our lives who care about our wellbeing and health, who value our time, who want to spend time with us, and who most likely, want to see us succeed. This community, for many people in the social work realm, is referred to as our ‘informal supports’. Included in it are close friends, family members/relatives, sports teams, clubs and extracurricular activities, pets, and even that cashier whose checkout line we use every time we go to the grocery store. An informal support is providing an opportunity for connection with others, sharing resources, or making a meal and lending a bed.
For many, informal support can be received through a validation of their concerns, their story, and their experiences- as a non-judgmental and listening ear. It is because of this that the idea of being an ‘informal support’ is directly tied to being an ally supporting those experiencing family violence. When people provide a safe space for victims/survivors to come forward they are demonstrating that they stand with this individual in their story and their experiences.
Being an informal support is such an important aspect of preventing and eradicating family violence. Because the conversations we have about respecting, loving, and treating others well can make a huge difference in demonstrating to others what a safe and healthy relationship is. And opening ourselves to those kind of conversations can also tell others that we’re here for them, that we believe them, that we love them, that we respect them, and that we’ll honor their choices because they are the experts of their experiences (Being An Ally 101).
The amount of times we have heard stories from victims/survivors who say that even just the words “I believe you”, made such a difference to them- is HUGE. And sometimes listening is really all someone needs in a moment*. So, why don’t we begin the conversation on family violence more often if that’s all it takes?
Because it is difficult.
Because we don’t often know where to begin.
Because we think we need all the answers in order to help someone.
But it doesn’t have to be complicated. Just opening the door to someone means you have provided them an opportunity to have a safe and non-judgmental space and that can make all the difference.
Understanding that difficulty in starting conversations is the basis of Sagesse’s REALTalk program. REALTalk stands for Recognizing, Empathizing, Asking, and Listening. It is an invitation for conversations to simply begin. Whether that is over coffee, in the kitchen while making dinner or washing dishes, while out for a walk, or when standing in line for something- the REALTalk program encourages everyone and anyone to just begin the conversation and have a REAL and genuine moment sharing together. And THAT is the basis of being an informal support.
*The individual needs of someone experiencing family violence changes per individual and situation. It is recommended that asking an individual how you can help and support them is the best approach to being an ally to them. Never assume the needs of one person are the same as someone else and always remember that respecting the individual’s choices and decisions in their situations is important.
Formal Supports
So, if friends and family are informal supports, what makes a formal support?
A formal support are those in an individual’s life who purposely exist to facilitate discussion, provide help, and resource connect. They can include organizations like The Today Centre, professional services, or doctors or other healthcare practitioners. Formal supports are designed to be accessible, provide support from a trained background, are focused on providing pre-defined interventions and supports (like therapy, medication, etc.), and are invested in the outcomes and interests of a person wholly.
For both types of supports, the intention is to provide help that maintains an individual’s quality of life and connection with others. Each hopes to see a positive outcome for an individual experiencing family violence but may have different ways of assisting that outcome. And as named, some of that assistance is more formal than others. But, the important thing to remember is that, however someone experiencing family violence chooses to get help, a support must remember to respect that individual and their experiences. Every story is different and every individual may have a different level of comfort in sharing their experiences with others. So when in doubt, listening can be a great start- because it acknowledges the abuse and the impact that abuse has on an individual.
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Understanding The Statistics (Stats Canada)
In 2019, more than one in three (37%) victims of family violence in the past five years used formal supports.
Aside from formal support services, in 2019 two-thirds (66%) of family violence victims/survivors sound informal support by speaking with someone about the violence they experienced.
In 2019, almost half of victims/survivors said they spoke with a family member (47%) or a friend or neighbour (45%).
Less than one in five victims spoke with a co-worker (19%), a doctor or nurse (17%) or a lawyer (15%), while a small proportion reported speaking with a priest, rabbi, imam or another spiritual advisor (6.2%).