The Cost of Family Violence: November is Family Violence Prevention Month
Family Violence Prevention Month
Many of us have had a friend or family member who has or is experiencing family violence. Family violence often happens in isolation and therefore many may not be aware that they know someone experiencing it. Spreading awareness on abuse and preventing farther harm are necessary steps in supporting a survivor. The healing journey can be long and difficult, and personal relationships can play a key role in a survivor’s outcomes.
As human beings we are wired for connection, it is a basic human need. From the beginning of life, we seek mental and emotional connections with those closest to us, such as our friends and family. Ideally, our family provides the basics of life. This is where we learn to connect and form our values, beliefs and behavioral patterns.
Families can be the best place to raise the next generation. They can provide for the mental, emotional, and physical needs of each family member in a safe space. Although families have many goals, the primary goal is to ensure that the next generation has healthy, happy, citizens that are prepared to contribute meaningfully to their community and society. A breakdown in family care leads to a need for greater community support.
Family violence disrupts healthy growth and development and changes the dynamics of familial relationships. Abuse is a pattern of attitudes and behaviors that lead to an unequal balance of power and control in the relationship. This imbalance can lead to harm for all family members of any generation, which could include mental, emotional, physical, or financial harm. The effects of this harm are then carried into society because the things we are taught at home influence our choices and become a part of who we are. In this way, family violence affects every person in our community.
November is Family Violence Prevention Month. It is an opportunity to raise awareness about family violence and learn about the resources available to help end it. This issue affects everyone one way or another. It has financial, mental, emotional, physical, and social side effects, whether you are a survivor or a supporter.
How many people are living with family violence in canada?
The Government of Canada reports that roughly 1% of Canadians are living in abusive relationships (Statistics Canada, 2023). That seems like a small percentage but that means 279,787 adults are living with family violence. This statistic does not include the children and youth that are living in those homes and could also be witnessing or experiencing violence. The government further states that only 1 in 5 people report family violence incidents to the police (Statistics Canada, 2023). This means that the numbers could be significantly higher if more people were able or felt safe to report their abuse (possibly as many as 1,398,935 people).
What is the cost of family violence?
In a one-of-a-kind study done in 2009, the Government of Canada found that the cost of domestic violence in Canada was $7,420,301,324 (Government of Canada, 2012). This is a financial description that covers the costs to the victim, the justice system, taxpayers, and third-party organizations that assist survivors. This study was done 15 years ago, when we consider inflation, the total cost today could be significantly higher. This cost also does not consider the emotional, mental, physical, or developmental effects of abuse on victims-survivors and their families and friends.
Who pays for these services?
In 2009, 63% of the total costs were paid by the government, 29% were paid by the survivor, and 7% were paid by private organizations. This means everyone pays for family violence through their tax dollars. It worked out to approximately $220 per taxpayer that year (Government of Canada, 2012).
What about the emotional costs of family violence?
These costs are hard to quantify. Family violence brings many challenges to its victims. Here are a few examples:
· Poor communication and problem-solving skills
· Poor mental and physical health
· Behavior in children and youths that models the home environment
· Lower educational achievement
· Decreased financial security and support
· The continuation of the cycle of violence in younger generations
(Government of Alberta, 2018)
There are many forms of violence which lead to serious outcomes of harm to individuals, the family, and to society. Although some of them are easy to see, such as bruises or verbal abuse in a public place, most forms are easily hidden behind closed doors.
What are the signs of family violence that are not easily seen?
Family violence is experienced on a spectrum. It is important to note that there isn’t always a defined ‘list’ of warning signs, but there are some common indicators. Here are a few examples:
A withdrawal from friends and family
Not going out as often as they used to
No longer doing things they used to love
Signs of depression or anxiety
New or unexplained injuries
Failing to take care of themselves or their children in the usual way
Children might be dirty, alone, or hungry more often
Seniors may become withdrawn or even seem frightened
(Government of Alberta, 2018)
This is not an exhaustive list. These signs in isolated incidents may be nothing but if there is a repeated pattern that is different from their usual behavior, this could indicate that there may be trouble within the relationship or at home.
Sometimes, it can be hard to tell the difference between family violence and healthy conflict. The term family violence is often associated with physical violence. However, there are many forms of violence, such as emotional, financial, psychological, sexual, or technological violence. What we define as healthy in a relationship is partially based on what we grew up with. For example, if a child grew up in a home where a parent is frequently yelling at their partner and children, they may believe that yelling at each other is an acceptable part of family relationships. Although there are times when conversations may get heated, yelling should not be an everyday or frequent method of managing problems.
Similarly, each culture has a different perspective on intimate partner ‘roles’ in relationships. Cultural perspective will influence the understanding of healthy relationships. An example of this could be seen in money management or family decision making. There are cultures where the oldest male member of the family takes responsibility for the finances or decision making for the family. This can be normal and work well in a healthy family. However, when that person uses their authority to control the lives or decision making of others, this would be considered a form of abuse. Healthy partnerships involve communication, respect and consideration on both sides.
How can you tell if your relationship may be abusive?
Possible indicators of abusive relationships include:
· Being afraid to tell your partner how you really feel because they would threaten or make fun of you
· Treating you with disrespect or making light of things that are important to you
· Repeatedly ignoring your wants and needs
· Creating situations that are uncomfortable or degrading for you
· Excessive jealousy - when a partner is convinced that you are flirting with others or having an affair
· Feeling afraid to disagree because your partner may use the disagreement as an excuse to unleash their anger on you
· Isolating you from family and friends or controlling who you are or are not allowed to see
· Putting restrictions on how you spend your time
· Obsessively monitoring your movements
(Government of Alberta, 2019)
It is important to trust yourself. If you feel something is not right, that is a warning sign.
The bottom line is that family violence has a pattern and is meant to control. One incident is cause for concern but may have a reasonable explanation. When these behaviors are ongoing, or increasing in frequency or severity, it is time to take a closer look at the relationship. (Power and Control Wheel)
What can you do if you suspect someone you know is experiencing family violence?
The REAL Talk model illustrates steps to starting a conversation about your concerns. REAL stands for: Recognize, Empathize, Ask, Listen (Sagesse).
Recognize. There isn’t a checklist that can clearly tell you what to watch for. Look for patterns in behavior. Recognize that each person’s experience with family violence may look different. Be aware of changes in behavior.
Empathize. Put yourself in their place. Consider how they might be feeling. Don’t judge. Show gratitude for their willingness to share their experience with you.
Ask. Be curious. Be encouraging. Remember you are not an expert. Ask questions about the other person’s perspective.
Listen. Acknowledge the abuse. Remove blame, let people know it is not their fault and they did not deserve this. Acknowledge the ways the person has tried to stand up for themselves and protect their children. Point out the steps they’ve taken to create a safe environment. Honor their choice. There are many reasons a person might choose to stay in an abusive situation.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
Indicators of healthy relationships include:
Respect and empathy for each other
Listening to each other and considering each other’s needs and wants
Feeling safe to be honest without negative repercussions
Respecting and upholding boundaries
Trust and safety
Disagreements are discussed and resolved together over time
Both individuals feel heard and understood
Encouragement and support for each other
(Government of Alberta, 2019)
How can we prevent family violence?
The best thing to do is to start a conversation. Speak openly and honestly about healthy relationships, unhealthy relationships, and warning signs that could indicate something more. Talk to the younger generation and help them learn how to have healthy communication, respect, trust, and boundaries. Speak with friends and family about the warning signs and concerns, listen and believe them if they disclose abuse. Be open to understanding their concerns. Friends and family can be a source of insight and education. They can support and encourage but ultimately, the person experiencing abuse will need time to consider their situation, make a plan for their safety, and decide what next steps to take. Only the person experiencing abuse is the expert of their situation, which means only they can decide what is best for them. And remember if someone discloses family violence, believing them is one of the best and first ways of supporting them.
Authored by Practicum Student Stephanie - 2024
References
Cunningham, A. & Baker, L. (2007). Little eyes, little ears: How violence against a mother shapes children as they grow. Government of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/content/dam/phac-aspc/migration/phac-aspc/sfv-avf/sources/fem/fem-2007-lele-pypo/pdf/fem-2007-lele-pypo-eng.pdf
Government of Alberta (2019). Fact sheet: What is a healthy relationship? https://open.alberta.ca/dataset/6550e697-4127-4cfa-8151-94cb8ed76e17/resource/6655bfb9-4199-4cbc-92f8-22ba4ad97771/download/css-healthy-relationships-fact-sheet-2019.pdf
Government of Alberta (n.d.). Family violence: How Albertans can help. https://www.alberta.ca/family-violence-how-help
Government of Alberta (2018). What is family violence. https://www.alberta.ca/recognize-family-violence