The Cost of Family Violence: November is Family Violence Prevention Month
Family Violence Prevention Month
Many of us have had a friend or family member who has suffered from family violence. Ending the abuse and preventing further violence are necessary steps in their path to recovery. The healing journey can be long and difficult. Our personal relationships can play a key role in recovery.
As human beings we are wired for connection. It is a basic human need. From the beginning of life, we seek mental and emotional connections with those closest to us, our family. Ideally, our family provides the basics of life. This is where we learn to connect and form our values, beliefs and behavioral patterns. The family is the basic unit of society which means that the strength of the family directly affects society.
Families can be the best place to raise the next generation. They can provide for the mental, emotional, and physical needs of each family member in a safe space. Although families have many goals, the primary goal is to ensure that the next generation has healthy, happy, citizens that are prepared to contribute meaningfully to their community and society. A breakdown in family care leads to a need for greater community support.
Family violence disrupts healthy growth and development and changes the dynamics of familial relationships. Abuse is a pattern of attitudes and behaviors that lead to an unequal balance of power and control in the family. This imbalance can lead to mental, emotional, and physical harm to all family members of any generation. The effects of this harm are then carried into society because the things we are taught at home influence our choices and become a part of who we are. In this way, family violence affects every person in our community.
November is Family Violence Prevention Month, an opportunity to raise awareness about family violence and learn about the resources available to help end it. This issue affects everyone one way or another. It has financial, mental, emotional, physical, and social side effects, whether a survivor or a supporter.
How many people are living with family violence in canada?
The Government of Canada estimates that roughly 2% of Canadian women are living in abusive relationships (Government of Canada, 2012). That seems like a small percentage but that means 391,400 women are living with abusive family circumstances. This statistic does not include the children that are living in those homes, men, or elders, that might also be living with abuse. The government further states that only 1 in 5 people report family violence incidents to the police (Statistics Canada, 2023). This means that the numbers could be significantly higher if more people were able to or felt safe reporting their abuse.
What is the cost of family violence?
In 2009, the cost of domestic violence in Canada was $7,420,301,324 (Government of Canada, 2012). Today, that number is much higher. This is a financial description that covers the costs to the victim, the justice system, taxpayers, and third-party organizations that assist victims-survivors. It does not consider the full effects of abuse on the physical, mental, emotional, or developmental effects on the victims-survivors and their families and friends.
Who pays for these services?
63% of the total costs are paid by the government, 29% are paid by the victim, and 7% are paid by private organizations. That means everyone pays for family violence through their tax dollars. This works out to approximately $225 each per year. (Government of Canada, 2012)
What about the emotional costs of family violence?
These costs are hard to quantify. Family violence brings many challenges to its victims. Here are a few examples:
· Poor communication and problem-solving skills
· Poor mental and physical health
· Deviant behavior in children and youths
· Lower educational achievement
· Decreased financial security and support
· Youths seeking early sexual experiences
· Perpetuation of generational trauma
(Government of Alberta, 2018)
There are many forms of violence which lead to serious mental, emotional, and physical outcomes on the individuals, the family, and on society. Although some of them are easy to see, such as a constant stream of bruises or verbal abuse in a public place, many forms are easily hidden behind closed doors.
What are the signs of family violence that are not easily seen?
Family violence is experienced on a spectrum. It is important to note that there isn’t always a defined ‘list’ of warning signs, but there are a few common indicators. Here are a few examples:
A withdrawal from friends and family
Not going out as often as they used to
No longer doing things they used to love
Signs of depression or anxiety
New or unexplained injuries
Failing to take care of themselves or their children in the usual way
Children might be dirty, alone more often, or hungry
Seniors may become withdrawn or even seem frightened
(Government of Alberta, 2018)
These signs in isolated incidents may be nothing but if there is a repeated pattern that is different from their usual behavior, this could indicate that there may be trouble within the relationship or at home.
Sometimes, it can be hard to know what is considered family violence and what is acceptable relationship conflict. Because of the intimate nature of familial relationships, partners may accept behavior that is abusive and consider it normal. This may be especially true if there is intergenerational trauma experienced.
How can you tell if your relationship may be abusive?
Possible indicators of abusive relationships include:
· Being afraid to tell your partner how you really feel because they partner would threaten or make fun of you
· Treating you with disrespect or making light of things that are important to you
· Repeatedly ignoring your wants and needs
· Creating situations that are uncomfortable or degrading for you
· Excessive jealousy - when a partner is convinced that you are flirting with others or having an affair
· Feeling afraid to disagree because you do not want to unleash your partner’s anger and violence. The disagreement is an excuse for abuse.
· Limiting the people you can talk to – isolating you from family and friends or controlling who you are or are not allowed to see
· Putting restrictions on how you spend your time
(Government of Alberta, 2019)
It is important to trust yourself. If you feel something is not right, that is a warning sign.
The bottom line is that family violence has a pattern and is meant to control. One incident is cause for concern but may have a reasonable explanation. When these behaviors are ongoing, or increasing in frequency or severity, it is time to take a closer look at the relationship.
What can you do if you suspect someone you know is experiencing family violence?
The REAL Talk model illustrates steps to starting a conversation about your concerns. REAL stands for: Recognize, Empathize, Ask, Listen (Sagesse).
Recognize. There isn’t a checklist that can clearly tell you what to watch for. Look for patterns in behavior. Recognize that each person’s experience with family violence may look different. Be aware of changes in behavior.
Empathize. Put yourself in their place. Consider how they might be feeling. Don’t judge. Show gratitude for their willingness to share their experience with you.
Ask. Be curious. Be encouraging. Remember you are not an expert. Ask questions about the other person’s perspective.
Listen. Acknowledge the abuse. Remove blame, let people know it is not their fault and they did not deserve this. Acknowledge the ways the person has tried to stand up for themselves and protect their children. Point out the steps they’ve taken to create a safe environment. Honor their choice. There are many reasons a person might choose to stay in an abusive situation.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
Indicators of healthy relationships include:
· Respect and empathy for each other
· Listening to each other and considering each other’s needs and wants
· Honesty and boundaries that protect the intimacy of the relationship
· Trust and safety
· Disagreements are discussed and resolved together over time
· Encouragement and support for each other
(Government of Alberta, 2019)
How can we prevent family violence?
The best thing to do is to start a conversation. Speak openly and honestly about healthy relationships and warning signs. Talk to the younger generation and help them learn how to have healthy communication, respect, trust, and boundaries. Speak with friends and family about the warning signs and listen. Be open to understanding their concerns. Friends can provide insight and education. They can support and encourage but ultimately, the person experiencing abuse will need time to consider their situation, make a plan for their safety, and take action. Only the person living with violence can know when the time is right to take steps to end the violence, they are the expert in their situation. And remember if someone discloses family violence, believing them is one of the best and first ways of supporting them.
Authored by Practicum Student Stephanie - 2024
References
Cunningham, A. & Baker, L. (2007). Little eyes, little ears: How violence against a mother shapes children as they grow. Government of Canada. https://www.canada.ca/content/dam/phac-aspc/migration/phac-aspc/sfv-avf/sources/fem/fem-2007-lele-pypo/pdf/fem-2007-lele-pypo-eng.pdf
Government of Alberta (2019). Fact sheet: What is a healthy relationship? https://open.alberta.ca/dataset/6550e697-4127-4cfa-8151-94cb8ed76e17/resource/6655bfb9-4199-4cbc-92f8-22ba4ad97771/download/css-healthy-relationships-fact-sheet-2019.pdf
Government of Alberta (n.d.). Family violence: How Albertans can help. https://www.alberta.ca/family-violence-how-help
Government of Alberta (2018). What is family violence. https://www.alberta.ca/recognize-family-violence
Government of Canada (2012). An estimation of the economic impact of spousal violence in Canada in 2009. https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/cj-jp/fv-vf/rr12_7/toc-tdm.html
Sagesse. REAL Talk. https://realtalk.sagesse.org/
Statistics Canada (2023). The daily – Trends in police-reported family violence and intimate partner violence in Canada, 2023. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/241024/dq241024b-eng.htm